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07:25 pm
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snowwww
yeah lyds i def know what your talking about. for me it goes back and forth.. this past week was a good one for the both of us :) and im excited cause aron and susan said that the trip in june is a definite possibility! yeahhh exams SUCK. i hate studying haha maybe i should go and get extra time like the rest of my school... chemistry is going to be the death of me... im physced. enough for nowwwwwww.
oh lyds i read her journal... madddd scary
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10:49 pm
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It's been a while....
I never really planned on writing in this thing again but Lydia inspired me haha... since shes the only one who will be reading it i'm just gonna go all out and say whatever the fuck i feel like saying. Sooo MUCH has gone on since the last time this thing was written in... I had the most incredible summer of my entire life and three months after it has ended im still not over it - i doubt i'll ever be. This past weekend was the camp reuinoin... I havent had that much fun since the camp parties that we've had... its really sad, but oh well what can you do about it. School... SUCKS. I have no idea what the whole friend situation is, Im always just really confused. Monday was horrible because all i could think about was camp. I feel like Sam and Lyds are the only people who understand... I was talking to sam about it and almost started crying. I just feel like I completely dont fit in anymore with the girls... today was actually better, for some reason I was in a good mood and actually joking around with them about stuff. First time in a LONGGG time I thought. Linds and MOlly went on that teen tour together this summer and because of that are obvisouly closer. I was in complete denial that that would happen but I should've figured. Im not blaming either of them but I dont feel as close to her any more... i feel like she doesnt have enough time for me but its not like she should because I dont expect her at all to just be there for me every time i feel like complaining or just talking. We dont even talk on the phone anymore... I used to call her atleast every night and she would call me. Im just scared, I dont know what to do about it. I always felt like she was the one person out of all of my friends that would always include me, I could always count on and recnetly that just hasnt been the case. On Friday there was a huge party that no one told me about... none of them knew that I was going to be with my camp friends yet non of them called me just the same.
I've completely given up on the boys at rivers, forever. they're so dumb... dont acccept me for who i am because im not a size 2. ohhhhhhhhhhhh well. I just wish they could see me the same way that the cmap boys do. haha "the coolest girl they know" oh ben broad, gotta love him :)
enough for now... only a year and 2/3's to go...
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09:47 pm
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ummm what a great night
Its really awesome being included, it really is.
Yesterday lindsay and vikky were blatently doing something and talking about it right infront of me and didn't even give it a thought. Pathetic. I have no idea why they would ever do that, but I just think it is ridiculously immature. and THEN tonight, i get online and V's away message is some shit about how that her vikky lindsay and vikky are all doing something together. Damn i mean I shouldn't be that upset about it but its just fucking annoying... but whatever, girls will be girls and bitches will be bitches.
And I honestly can't help but think that Vikky is (for use of a better phrase) "stealing lindsay away from me". I hate it. SO much. I thought Lindsay was the best friend I could ever ask for... she would ALWAYS include me, even when others wouldn't. And now shes just blatently NOT? what the fuck is this? I hate it. Im done with it. This week I'll just come into school, talk to no one and go on vacation. Its just the easiest thing to do, what else can I say.
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02:15 pm
[Link] | so last night I went to lyddys birthday party...it was fun... i ate too much so i didn't feel too good thought haha ohhh well, the story of my life
super bowl sunday... woohoo.. and yes, im doing homework but whateevvver im not really a football fan anyways lol
nothen too much has happened lately... not much to write...
Current Music: Dispatch - Hey Hey
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07:55 am
[Link] | So my parents aren't home this weekend so sarah is staying with us! its a ton of fun.... last night we went to jessie's basketball game and I saw willie and he was GOING to come over and then his mom said he coudln't sleep over unless he had my parents permission which would bhe kind of hard to get considering they're in Costa Rica. but ohhhh well.
yeah so i definitly think i like lexay.... haha yesterday I talked to him for a lil bit and it was funnn so i dunno
Current Mood:  awake
Current Music: Something Corporate - Konstantine
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02:08 pm
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BILLY IS GOING!!!
yeserday i saw billy cause i went over toni's house and they live right near eachother so we went and paid him a visit and the ASSHOLE TOLD ME HE HAD LIED TO ME AND ACTUALLY DECIDED TO GO!! IM SOOOO HAPPY!! AND PETE IS GOING TOO!! WOOOHOOOOO!!
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03:02 pm
[Link] | nothen much going on... still on vacation, i got back from st. johns a few days ago... it was nice
today i went shopping for my semi dress... yeah yeah, i already got it... i hope i can go with..... nevermind, i have no idea
i talked to billy last night... told him exactly how i felt. how i think its stupid that he's not going. he doesn't realize the mistake he's making. i fucking CRIED on the phone... maybe that will just make him feel so guilty that he'll have to go... we'll see, im just hoping.. the deadline is so soon.... i dont know what i would do without him there...
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04:57 pm
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Tomorrow
Tommorrow night si HOPEFULLY going to be alot of fun... alex is coming back and billy is having a parrrrrtaaaay for him. I mena theres no way it can compare to seeing o deuce but still, i'tll be goooood times.
Jaci Molly and V are still not very nice to me but oh well, im finding that crissie nicki and biz can be better friends them anyways and in the end, thats all that matters. AND billy blatenly DIDN'T invite jaci and molly which (i know this is mean to say) kind of makes me happy... they wont be there to blatenly be bitchy to me which i think will make a better night out of it. I hope crissie goes even though V's gonna be there, that would be nice. and something relaly random... i think i like will... strange... but i guess i should become friends with him first
ohhhhh well
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04:57 pm
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best weekend
I just had the best weekend in the entire world. it was so much fun. I was with my camp friends... we had the reunion and i couldnt've asked for a better time. yeah i def hooked up with ben which was a huge mistake and afterwards he was a total dick to me but whateva. other wise, i was with my camp friends... the best people ever and if they just all go on gadna it'll make it that much better. oh well. i just hope billy goes.
newayz Eli was like "we are so hanging out this year with my cousin" and that was awesome because i was lik e"Eli, you told me zach hates me" Then he was like nawww if he met you now and got to know how chill you were he'd like you so that'll be fun
ok well i have a history paper to do... im outtttt
Current Mood:  happy
Current Music: Counting crows - If I could Give all my love to you
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10:12 pm
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I hate my friends
I hate the people at my school. they are so mean to me. they dont accept me for who i am and what i do. they all try to be popular and when i am around, they do not what to even know me. thats why i dont understand why they still ask me to hang out with them and they get mad at me when i don't. i hate them. and i guess they hate me. wonderful. great.
i want to die.
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09:53 am
[Link] | so today im going to monster jam with nora, pete and billy! its gonna be sooooooooooooo much fun... im wicked excited. I just did most of my hw, i still have a lil left to go but otherwise im pretty close to done.
There was a dance at school last night that i couldnt go to... its ok though because jaci v molly and lindsay all went over jaci's house before. They get so annoying sometimes. They claim that the five of us are best friends but i dont see it. the only one that really treats me as an equal is lindsay but she still hangs out with the three of them sometimes and doesnt bother to tell me. it just gets really fucking annoying. school people suck. camp people are so much better. they are so much more open to everyone. damn people at camp loved me. people at school dont bother to get to know me. oh well. july isnt that far away.......
Current Mood:  annoyed
Current Music: Beatles - let it be
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07:38 pm
[Link] | long day.
Current Music: dispatch - elias
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11:31 pm
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UCH
school sucks. ive been getting so much work lately i dont know what im goign to do. like i really dont think that 4 hours a night is healthy but hey.... what am i going to do, i chose to go to a "Prestigiou" private school, i should've expected it... its still annnnoying though
im sore from softball yeestrday. uch. this sucks. hate field hockey!!
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08:07 am
[Link] | wow its been a really long time since i've written... guess its cause ive just been so fucking busy lately... schools a bitch.. 4 hours of homework a night just SUCKS, field hockey is so annoying but my friends are still awesome.... they're not camp friends though.... they are the best.
anyways.... alan is having a party toinght, i think im gonna go but i need a ride!! i also cant get shitfaced cause i got all that softball stuff tomorrow! oh well, im not really in the mood to anyways. maybe billy will be there....
Current Music: justincase
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10:51 am
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back
i got back from camp on thursday. it was the best summer of my life, i dont know what im going to do now that its over. Everything was so amazing... perfect until the end. I was with my favorite people on earth for 7 weeks and i feel like i took way too much time for grantid. my time with billy was amazing, we became even closer then ever and richard... well hes a fucking weirdo. i was with mike. i miss mike. maybe he'll call me later, that would be nice.
i miss it so much there. i miss the people. i miss the places. i miss the summer. i miss not being worries about being judeged. i miss maccabiah and ben. i miss jessie bah nora dana susie and sarah. nothing is the same without them. it just seems like waking up in the morning is harder, eating without them is harder, listening to music without them is harder. they are part of me, part of who i am. i havent even talked to one person from school yet except for lindsay, and shes the only one who would understand anyways because she went to camp too. shes with her camp friends though which is exactly where seh should be. yesterday i was with them.... nora dana jessie sarah... we had such a good time, saying good bye was so hard. i'll never be able to deal with saying bye to those people, i love them so much. i dont know what im going to do withouth them. talking on the phone just isnt the same... esp since we're not at camp together. this sucks. i cant deal with this at all.
Current Mood:  sad
Current Music: anything camp
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09:10 am
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CAMP TODAY!!
WOW I CANT BELIEVE IT! camps starting today... im leaving in like two hours for the summer of my life.... holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok.... thats good bye, i'll be back in two months...........
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06:57 pm
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HOLY SHIT
wow this time tomorrow im going to be at camp. unbelieveable. its going to be sooooooooo amazing!!!!!!!!
Current Mood:  excited
Current Music: Jack Johnson - Bubble Toes
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07:01 pm
[Link] | camp countdown:2 days!!!
we're sooo close!!! omg im so excited, its going to be such an amazing summer!! ive waited 7 years for this summer...
so today was nothen too big... just went shopping for some last minute shit for camp and toinght the dad and I are going toiletry shopping... fun fun fun! hillary went today and managed to spend $270 on toiletris... she was like "dont tell dad, he'll kick my ass"
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12:26 pm
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05:09 pm
[Link] | camp countdown: 4 days
im in long island for the weekend visiting the grandparents... its not that bad, hill and I went out on Frankies boat and that was a lot of fun but i got soooooo sun burned -- its gonna hurt so much tomorrow morning, but i'll deal.
wow...i just found something out thats kind of bothering me...i was talking to susie online and I was just joking but i was like 'susie i dont wanna deal with your shit anymore, i know what you said about me" but i was TOTALLY pulling shit outta my ass and she just said "fine, i'll tel lyou what i said, i told sarah about how i thought you were a control freak and could be the biggest bitch sometime" wow.... that really sucks esp because we're going to camp in like four days. oh well. sucks for susie, shes a fucking drama queen anyways.
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